[IC Inbox - Saltburn ]

[ragesagainsttheodds]

WELCOME TO THE SALTBURNT NETWORK

USERNAME:
ALPHABITCH

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hi au cousin

[wicka]

Mom told me ur at Saltburnt too
Did she tell u I arrive tomorrow

[ragesagainsttheodds]

Yeah.
Been doing the southern circuit for a little while. I asked the staff to put you in the same wing as me.
You can finally meet Chico the horse. He's here too.
Been a while. Looking forward to seeing you.

[wicka]

Yea sure

[ As long as it's not a dog— ]

U too
Is that place gonna bore me to tears
The pics make it look huge but like
Fucking old too

[ragesagainsttheodds]

It is huge and old.

[ In so far as boring;]

I dont think youre going to have time to get bored Dom
Just remember
Discretion yeah?

[wicka]

Dude are they gonna fucking make me work
Yea yea discretion
I'm gonna be a whole new man and make my moms proud or whatever

[ragesagainsttheodds]

[ Oh baby boy. ]

Dom.
I don't know how to explain it to you because you're gonna see it when you get here but
like
you're gonna finally learn how the other half live

[wicka]

Uh
OK...
Why are u making that sound ominous

[ragesagainsttheodds]

dont even worry about it.
I'm here to look after you and make sure you dont get into real trouble.
Trust me.
Youre going to love it here.

[wicka]

[ uhhh ]

If u say so...
So they let u do ur horse stuff there
That's cool

[ragesagainsttheodds]

Look Im gonna be 100 with you here.
Auntie wants me to keep you out of trouble and report back if she needs to haul your ass home.
I am not a snitch.
Youre 18 now. A grown ass man. Ive got your back but im not going to make you hold my hand to cross the road. Do you get it?

[wicka]

Yea I get it

[ thank god ren is ren. also: ]

I'd just bite ur hand

[ragesagainsttheodds]

Ill roundhouse you without a second thought. Try it, strawberry shortcake.
💓

[wicka]

Wow
U've been waiting to use that one on me
U know mom still calls you carriça

[ragesagainsttheodds]

sorry
you dyed your hair PINK of your own free will and im not supposed to roast you for it?
as opposed to me who had no choice in being named after a bird

cw broken teeth

[wicka]

Sorry ur too much of a pussy to dye urs, birdie
Chico & carriça sounds like it'd be some stupid portuguese restaurant in Macao BTW
Hey wanna know why I smashed that guy's teeth

[ragesagainsttheodds]

cant. horse stuff has so many dumb rules about the way you look. I got points off for wearing jelly bracelets last month fr.
kinda want to bleach my hair to piss everyone off.
dont make fun of chico. he's my best boy.
Sure why?

cw homophobia + slur, drugs

[wicka]

I'll bleach ur hair
U can blame me if u want IDC
And I'd never make fun of chico just whoever named him that

Yea so I've just been telling everyone I don't remember why but I do
Motherfucker called me a faggot because of my hair and I lost it
IDK if I would've done all that if I wasn't high as fuck but whatever
He should've gone with strawberry shortcake instead I guess

[ragesagainsttheodds]

wow
OK fuck that guy

when I make fun of you its fine because I dont really mean it
What a fucking asshole
You should have broke his nose

[wicka]

U get dibs on breaking his nose if I see his ass again
He's lucky my moms had the money to give him new teeth
I just get shipped to Europe

[ragesagainsttheodds]

Done.

[ And she categorically means that. Nobody fucks with her family while she's around to deal with it. ]

to England. Dom.
youre coming to England.

[wicka]

Uh
Yea

[ ....................... ]

That's in Europe right

[ragesagainsttheodds]

no!!!

its in the UK dummy!!!

help

[wicka]

[ surprisedpikachu.jpg ]

Wait where the fuck is the UK then?

[ragesagainsttheodds]

great Britain. Duh.

[wicka]

What so it's like Australia or something?

[ragesagainsttheodds]

dude
how are you so bad at geography?

[wicka]

I'm not bad at geography I just didn't go to class

[ wat ]

[ragesagainsttheodds]

its a real good thing your a pretty boy
gonna have to find you someone to make you a kept man if you dont behave

[wicka]

[ p-pretty... ]

After what I went thru with Theo? Nah thanks
I'm done with that shit for the next 20 years

[ragesagainsttheodds]

ew
don't be weird
if you dont nut youll become one of those reddit weirdos
theres lots of hotties here
gotta get under someone to get over someone I always say

[wicka]

Ew YOU don't be weird
I didn't mean fucking I meant like a relationship

[ ... ]

How hot are we talking

[ragesagainsttheodds]

Super Fucking Hot 🔥
like
I want to pinch myself theyre so hot
Models, actors, youtubers, pretty sure one chick fucked the president

[wicka]

WTF
How much are my moms paying for this shit if it's where all the celebs go?
Which president

[ragesagainsttheodds]

the american one i guess?
idk
whole bunch of security arseholes about
not a clue
maybe they're selling your organs or something?

[wicka]

The American president goes there??

[ and he fucks random chicks, the fuck

actually no that part isn't surprising at all ]

I think I would've noticed that by now
My organs are all probably shitty anyway

[ragesagainsttheodds]

not for rehab
at least i dont think for rehab
some diplomatic bullshit
idk you know i hate politics shit

yeah i suppose drugs will fuck up your sellable meat

[wicka]

Riiight
That place is already fucking weird
Don't tell my moms OK

So ur saying it was actually smart of me

[ragesagainsttheodds]

I already told you Im not gonna snitch on you.
look
you don't tell my lot i wont tell your lot

babe
id never call ur ass smart

[wicka]

Deal

Lol
DW I'm never gonna accuse u of being smart either
Or ur ass
Doesn't smart also mean u look hot in ur brand of English

[ragesagainsttheodds]

only god can judge my ass
yep
lookin smart, geet smart etc etc etc

[wicka]

That's kinda dumb
U can't be smart and hot too

[ragesagainsttheodds]

the real family curse
fat of ass not fat of brain

[wicka]

[ Okay, he laughed. ]

Fat of brain Lol
Ur so weird
OK I gotta go
See u tomorrow yea?

[ragesagainsttheodds]

yeah yeah
be good on the flight ✈️

📨 delivery

[hymen]

[ resting atop your pillow: a luxe, cream envelope, your name embossed in gold letters, holding a textured invitation — ]

text

[ragesagainsttheodds]

[ And because she's on a self destructive bend at the moment, Ren texts a response. ]

wow
no rsvps? Bold. how are you going to make sure there's enough hookers and finger food for everyone?

@kj

[deadnerve]

hey babe
wear something sexy on our date pls

[ragesagainsttheodds]

[ She shouldn't be flattered and yet; ]

i dont care how much you paid - im not wearing a fursuit for anyone

you get one chance to tell me what you want me to wear

without being a little freak

[ And because that maybe sounds a bit mean she adds ]

🥰

[deadnerve]

aw fuck you got me

now i don't know WHAT to ask for

what about a cocktail dress? you tell me what color and i'll make sure i match

[ragesagainsttheodds]

oh wait

youre talking about like a Date Date
like a proper one?

[ maybe this was her bad for jumping to the booty call assumption. ]

i guess i kinda thought this was a sex thing???

[deadnerve]

well, i mean. it can be
but for as much of my dad's money that i spent
we gotta look kinda cool??? for at least a few drinks??

[ragesagainsttheodds]

no
its fine
Horny statement retracted
i can try 2 be wholesome

[ it just doesnt come naturally to her. ]

yeah OK guess I can do that
Full disclosure. I dont really date so this is new ig?

[deadnerve]

[now he's second guessing himself bc he should've just gone horny?? to start??]

uh yeah me either
i mean i've seen people
but i'm not
im

gonna ask you what you wanna eat?

[ragesagainsttheodds]

[ for Ren it's simple. she horsegirled so hard she forgot to date like a normal teenager. who has time for dates when you have competitions and practice and coaching? she's always been a strictly one night stand blowing off some steam kind of girly.

hence the automatic assumption of horny dating. ]

how badly will i be roasted if i say pizza?
i never get to eat pizza

[deadnerve]

pizza it is baby
my favorite food is mcd's
i have no stones to cast against anyone


meatlovers??

[ragesagainsttheodds]

ive never actually eaten mcds
my family have a lot of strong opinions on food is fuel and all that
anything with chemicals or preservatives was like a strict no
Coaches are pretty similar too

What's that?

[deadnerve]

girl you need a cheat day
i can show you the world
of shining shimmering canola oil

it's pizza w like 6 types of meat on it or something
i think you'd like it. it's arguably the best kind

[ragesagainsttheodds]

and the oil tastes good???

[ Help. She's been on a performance diet since she was like 13 for muscle retention and athleticism. ]

that actually sounds amazing

[deadnerve]

girl i am gonna take you on a culinary adventure

i will also blow your mind with the world of pizza dips
don't worry, i'll handle that. i've got an idea now
just worry bout getting hot for... 6?

[ragesagainsttheodds]

ok
i will have my mouth and body ready for 6

[ look she cant drop being horny altogether - it's her emotional crutch

an hour or two she just texts him one word ]

red

[ Finally an answer as to what she'll be wearing. ]

[deadnerve]

a fine choice, madame

[That's all he sends before he'll show up in his attempt to match thematically - he's got a casual vibe that he probably could've refined a little better but nobody's going to be looking at him anyway. He knocks on her door for pick up, all the while chewing his lower lip with the slightest hint of nervous anticipation.]

[ragesagainsttheodds]

[ Ren would like to pretend she wasn't loitering by the door from 5:50 onwards. But she was. She hadn't been able to get out of her head that he wouldn't actually show up - not because she thought he would flake but there's a whole host of reasons someone might not show. The knock has barely finished reverberating through the door before it's pulled open.

He'd said to dress hot. He'd requested a cocktail dress. Ren had gone for the bombshell look in a skin-tight dress, her dark hair cajoled into loose waves. She beams a smile at him. ]

Look who it is.

[deadnerve]

Ah, shit. You're hot.

[Said appreciatively, not so much surprised - but his eyes did dart down before making their way back up to her face. After which he seems the slightest bit shier making eye contact - it's not an issue for him to be crude but the second it feels intimate in a serious...er way, he's. Struggling. Until he makes the smoothest recovery:]

Leaving nothing to the imagination. I approve.

[ragesagainsttheodds]

You said to dress hot. [ In a tone of; well you asked for it. ] You wash up well yourself.

[ Ren glances over her shoulder and grins back into the room. ] Oh, hang about, my Dad wants to meet you before we go. [ And she'll let him sweat for about three seconds before pulling the door all the way over and revealing there's nobody in the room with a mischievous grin. Got to cut that tension somehow, right? ]

[deadnerve]

[She keeps him on his toes. He likes that? If he wasn't already smitten, he would be, with a soft (relieved) laugh and a shake of his head - that was cruel, girl. Cruel.]

Do you want me to sweat through this shirt before we even get to dinner?

[ragesagainsttheodds]

Aw, c'mon. Dads scare you that badly? He's not even a peer of the realm anymore.

[ Besides, what's there to be scared of? Her father hasn't left the family estate in years now. He'll hear about this, she has no doubt, but she's under no demand to answer him. Not given the current state of their relationship. ]

[deadnerve]

Mmhmmmmmm.

[Said with a roll of his eyes - parents' opinions are always important, right? He sticks out his elbow for her.]

The last thing we need is a dad on either side messing up a good thing. Mine would probably hit on you, though. So we'll skip that introduction, too.

[ragesagainsttheodds]

[ Okay gentleman behaviour. Ren takes his elbow, letting the door swing closed behind her.

Normally, she'd make a joke asking if his dad is hot, but given the current situation with his sister? Best not to. ]

Deal. I'm just glad he isn't here to give you the third degree. I used to have to sneak out my window to go out when I was back at home. He could be a fucking nightmare.

[deadnerve]

Oh, but that sounds kind of fun, actually. Maybe we should pretend sometime... I'll crawl up through your window or you can sneak down to me? It's like sexy roleplay. And we're already doin' the sexy part real well.

[His face is very much the embodiment of :D]

[ragesagainsttheodds]

[ Oh. He's so into it. She laughs. ]

I mean, yeah, sure. That kind of roleplay - fine. Anything the requires me to learn a script, we're pretty screwed.

[ Actually, the more she thinks about it, the more she could be into it herself. It feels kind of silly but Kieran doesn't strike her as the kind of guy who takes himself super seriously. ]

How many windows have you climbed through?

[deadnerve]

Far too many. Dad like mine, a boarding school like the one I went to? A body this perfectly sized to squeeze out of anything?

[He gives a little shrug.]

Or into it...

[ragesagainsttheodds]

Oh, okay, I want to hear about boarding school. I've heard way too much about them.

[ Mostly weird horny stuff. ]

You know the stuff I want to hear. [ She bumps him with her hip playfully. ]

[deadnerve]

About all the railing in bathrooms and vaping behind the gym?

[He snorts.]

Only one of those things really happened all that often. And it was always bubblegum flavored.

[ragesagainsttheodds]

Wow, real different to private schools.

[ From what she's heard. Some of us are homeschooled freaks.]

Or maybe it's just the British upper classes who feel the need to fuck each other and make it weird.

[deadnerve]

Yeah? Shit, wish I was in one of them.

[He snorts.]

I gotta admit though, I wasn't uncool but. When you can't feel pain, you're kinda a lowkey freak which might've been skewing my numbers.

@strawberry

[wicka]

My roots are a fucking mess
Wanna help me dye them

[ragesagainsttheodds]

[ a rare independent thought pops into Ren's mind. ]

sure
is that like bleach?

[wicka]

I gotta bleach them first yea
Then the actual dye

[ragesagainsttheodds]

and bleach turns ur hair blonde right?

[wicka]

Unless something really weird's going on with ur hair
Yes

[ragesagainsttheodds]

can we do mine too?

[wicka]

Wait seriously
Ur gonna do it?

[ragesagainsttheodds]

why not
Its just hair. It'll grow back if we fuck it up.

[wicka]

Fuck yea
Who are we pissing off?

[ragesagainsttheodds]

mostly my dad
he's being a prick
as usual

[wicka]

Sounds good to me
What did he do

[ragesagainsttheodds]

usual shit
adding more and more conditions on my pin money
he's pissed because he cant control me down here

[wicka]

That all he's pissed about?
That stupid gossip bullshit didn't get out there did it

[ragesagainsttheodds]

he reckons i shouldn't be wasting my time socialising or fraternising with my competition when i could be practising
some tabloids ran a story about a night out i had a few weeks ago and he's been doing his but ever since

[wicka]

Lol what is he scared ur gonna go soft
Does he even know u
Whatever
U and chico are gonna kick ass and then party about it again

[ragesagainsttheodds]

and in the meantime
i need a visual fuck you to send to him
so i figure bleaching my hair should do it

[wicka]

U bet
Sure u just wanna bleach? I can get other colors

[ragesagainsttheodds]

okay no
no strawberry for me thanks
ill leave that to you

[wicka]

As if I'd let u take my color
Suit urself
I can still get them if u change ur mind
When do u wanna come over then

[ragesagainsttheodds]

on my way
bringing snacks

[wicka]

Nice
See u

[ And there he'll be, everything ready to take care of Ren's hair first, lest she change her mind while Dom's still doing his. ]

[ragesagainsttheodds]

[ In typical Ren fashion, she just lets herself into his room, box of alcopops under her arm and a bag hanging off her arm full of snacks. ]

They've got like, a whole arse tuckshop here. This place is crazy.

[wicka]

Oh, shit — nice.

[ He runs on over, relieves her of the weight she's carrying, setting the box down on a table, opening the bag to check the snacks afterwards. Basically beaming at his cousin, because this is the secret to easily pleasing Dom, apparently. ]

Yeah, this place's got fucking everything. No wonder it's full of rich people.

[ He picks a bag of chips, bacon flavored. Opens it with his teeth. ]

We can get started whenever you want. You're good at sitting still for a while, yeah?